August 4, 2022 / Mom &… Podcast Episode 82 / Guest: Jodi Silverman
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This week’s guest was on the cusp of an empty nest, and while she had a thriving business and a family she loved, Jodi Silverman wasn’t fulfilled. She asked herself, “Is this enough?” and was surprised when her immediate answer was, “Hell no!” After working through some guilt and shock over wanting more, Jodi launched the second half of her life. Now, she focuses on helping other women dare to live their lives to the fullest through her Moms Who Dare group.
More About Jodi Silverman:
Jodi Silverman is a coach and mentor supporting women living the empty nest and midlife chapter of life. Through her community, coaching and fun experiences, she gives you the secrets on how to make this next chapter full of meaning, purpose, fulfillment and fun. When not mentoring and planning experiences for her Moms Who Dare Members, Jodi enjoys hanging out with friends and family, playing tennis and sitting by her fire pit.
Topics From This Episode
- Women’s friendships
- Meetup groups
- Self-talk (positive and negative)
- Finding purpose
- Love languages – take the quiz
- Lu Ann Cahn – I Dare Me
Connect with Jodi:
Look, Listen, Learn
- In Her Boots by KJ Dell’Antonia
- ER (after The Popcast with Knox and Jamie did a deep dive on the pilot)
- America’s Got Talent
- A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson
- Hidden Blessings by Jett Psaris, PhD
- Happy For No Reason certification
- Where the Crawdads Sing
- Holes movie
- Virtual college tours (and Grown & Flown groups)
Connect With the Mom &… Podcast
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Watch This Episode On Our YouTube Channel
Our delightfully happy intro and outro theme music, “We Will Get Through This” is performed by Young Presidents, and used under license from Shutterstock.
Transcript is auto-generated. Apologies in advance for misspellings or errors.
[00:00:00] Susanne: Welcome to the mom and dot.dot podcast. I’m Suzanne Kerns, mom and.dot do writer LGBTQ and sex ed advocate. And today officially have a daughter with a Texas driver’s license. I mean, if you are regular listeners, you know, this has been a year and a half in the making.
like, this is, yeah, at least this is so big.
[00:00:21] Missy: And I’m Missy Stevens, mom and.do writer, foster child advocate. And this week I’m just, I’m just sweaty and tired of it.
[00:00:29] Susanne: Don’t move to Texas. Y’all seriously. It’s just Um, but I know we do, but to date, we are so excited to be chatting with Jody Silverman. Jody is a coach and mentor supporting women, living the empty nest and midlife chapter of life. We are so in their Missy
[00:00:48] Missy: Yep.
[00:00:48] Susanne: through her community coaching and fun experiences, she gives you the secrets on how to make this next chapter full of meaningful fulfillment and fun.
Jody gives you the permission to shift the focus that has been on everybody else. AKA the kids back onto you, and she shares her best tips and strategies From her own daring journey and helps women release fear and limiting beliefs, preventing them from stepping into their purpose and living their most daring life now.
Cause yeah, you don’t need to wait until the kids are gone. I mean really the empty nest. And we’re gonna talk about that too, but when not engaging and creating experiences for her community, Jody enjoys reading tennis wood burning fires, and hanging out with her family.
[00:01:31] Jodi: Thank you, Missy. Thank you, Suzanne. I’m so excited to be here talking to you. We’re gonna.
[00:01:36] Susanne: Oh,
[00:01:37] Missy: We are gonna have fun. And we shared a little bit about your bio and where you came from and where you are now, but we’re wondering if you could just get in there a bit more and tell our listeners about anything that has really changed or impacted you over the years to lead to this place where you’re doing what you are now.
[00:01:53] Jodi: my gosh. So much. So I actually started writing down like the steps that got me here because you know, it’s been a 10 year journey for me and you know, it. At 56, you can forget steps one and three. So, uh, for me, I started, my whole career has been in sales, direct sales, marketing, advertising. I started my own print brokering business for those who don’t know that it’s really not that exciting.
You know, I set printing. And I have printers and I broker the deal between them. Um, that, that was my, what I didn’t know was that was my first entry into entrepreneurship. I don’t know. I never even heard the word until I became a life coach, but, um, it was about. almost 12 years ago now where I found my, I have my this business and it allowed me to be like in my kid’s life, but still with my brain with adult conversation.
And I found myself sitting in a really quiet space in this time. And Having my own business allowed me to, uh, pick up a hobby that I didn’t know, I loved, which was tennis, which you read in my bio. So that’s a big part of the story because tennis became a huge part of my physical, as well as my social community.
I was captain teams. I loved it. so I found myself one day. It was like about 12 years ago sitting in this quiet space with nothing but my own thoughts, which could be scary in.
[00:03:08] Susanne: oh yeah.
[00:03:08] Jodi: And, um, and I remember him sitting there. My daughter was a senior in high school getting ready to graduate her name’s Ellie.
She’s 27 now. And my son, Dan is 24. Now he was a freshman and I was sitting and I remember thinking, okay, so Ellie’s leaving. I’m gonna have all this newfound space. Daniel not only be my youngest, but my boy wants nothing to do with going, shopping, getting Medicare S with me. And if all I have left is this business of selling printing.
Is that enough? I remember thinking the question and it was just like, hell no, I’m like, no. Right. And I’m like, and in the same breath though, and I know a lot of your, your audience that your listeners are gonna agree with this in the same moment. I thought, no, this isn’t fulfilling enough. I felt really guilty.
Who am I not to feel fulfilled? Like I have a great husband, two amazing kids. I mean, I wish I could sit here and I I’m happy. I don’t have this like really sad story to share with you. So in that moment, I’m like, well, why don’t I feel fulfilled? And it was like all within like one minute 60 seconds where I asked the question a hell, no, felt guilty and then realized it had nothing to do with all that other stuff.
[00:04:17] Missy: Right.
[00:04:18] Susanne: That usually takes people about the 10 years. So , that
[00:04:21] Jodi: It was a very quiet space and I had, you know, time to think about it leading up to it. But I realized that in that moment, the fulfillment was all about me. It wasn’t about me as a wife. It wasn’t about me as a mom. It wasn’t about me as a daughter or a friend. It was about me. It was about Jody. And although selling printing and having my own business gave me the freedom to be mom and a business owner and bring in income for my family.
it was time to do something else that would bring a little bit more fun into my life than just selling printing. I didn’t know what it was. I, I had no idea other than there was this feeling inside of me, something bigger, something different.
And I did feel like I had a voice that wanted to be heard out there, but I didn’t know. So I just, I just kind of let it land. You know, when you, it’s easy to reflect back asking a question and I have a friend whose whole business is all about curiosity and question asking, but asking the question, going through all the feelings of the emotions around the answer, the question allowed me to be open minded.
When opportunities came my way and they did, and a new business opportunity came my way, which introduced me to life coaching and what that was. And for those who do know me know that school was not my. and the thought of going and volunteering and signing up for like life coach school.
[00:05:38] Missy: More classes.
[00:05:40] Jodi: Total daring. Like I knew there was gonna have to be a test. I’m like, oh gosh, I’m gonna so sweat again. Can I, can I make a little cheat sheet? anyway, so I was used to coaching and I decided I wanted to do this. I wanted to go through the training to develop the skills, see what it was about.
and during the time that I started to go through. The coaching right before life hits, right? Life hits you hard. I had three family members in three years in this whole timeframe becoming a life coach, changing my whole career. I had a lot of loss, lost three family members in three years.
Um, my kids went off to college and I realized in that journey that I have always been all about mom. However mom looks like to you. However, you feel like a mom, cause you could be an aunt and feel like, and be a parent. So whatever it feels like to you, it not doesn’t have to be mom in the traditional sense, but I’ve always been a mom about the mom because it is the only thing I’ve always said, Suzanne and, and Missy, that the only life event that can really take a confident decision making woman and knock her on her, you know, is not of becoming a mom.
[00:06:49] Missy: For sure.
[00:06:51] Jodi: I mean, I never had more doubt in my life than when I handed this little baby. And when they told me I had to get her dressed to go home, I’m like, how, how so I became a life coach. And I decided in that room with the 10 other people that I went through, this training with that I was going to support moms and I knew it was gonna be through community cuz everything in my life was community.
And I started a Facebook. I heard a speaker local to Philadelphia talk about her year of daring and in that room. And in that moment, I was like, ah, we’re gonna be moms who dare. And my journey led me to become a certified coach to speak directly to and support emptiness, midlife moms so that they could discover the opportunity and possibility that was beyond the loss and the sadness.
That they were experiencing. Cause I was there living it. I was scared and having fun. And I was doing things outta my comfort zone and was so excited about it and scared, but it was exhilarating. And my husband even noticed, he goes, oh my God. It’s like, you’re like reborn again. And I was like, yeah, like he’s having fun.
I wanted other moms to feel that way. So that’s how this whole moms who dare and, and then speaking happened and who knew. And yeah. Now here I am on your podcast.
[00:08:05] Susanne: well, we’re so glad. And we’re gonna talk a little bit about the daring as far as like some of those new activities and stuff, but I feel like we’re learning more and more. And a lot of the coaches, we talk to tell us this too, that one of the most daring things. Women do a midlife is try to build friendships.
And your show is gonna be airing right before national friendship day. So I think that perfectly ties in to this emphasis that you have on connecting with other women. And like I said, it’s one of those things that is often easier said than done, especially because we kind of got used to over the years, having the connection of our kids, being the thing that made our friends for us for better or.
Worse. Um, so really cares about your approach to both the hows and the whys of connecting and making those friendships in midlife.
[00:08:57] Jodi: Yeah. And, and you said it perfectly, Suzanne was our kids. And it actually believe when they go off to college, they’re no longer the conduits, right? We’re not standing watching the soccer game from the sideline next to, Missy Stevens who, oh my God, we just hit it off. So we’re gonna be friends. Um, so it, it is a hard time.
You, everyone talks about the loss of your child from your life, but there is that, that loneliness and space because our, we have friendships over the years and they’re there for a reason summer life. Some are not meant to be lifetime and that’s hard. And when your kids do grow up and advance through middle school and high school and went to college and outta college, some of these long time friendships might not serve you anymore.
And that’s really hard for people to accept. I lost a long time friendship and I just spoke to my husband about it. It was, um, over 10 years ago, a lifetime friend, since I was two years old, came to an end. It was like a death.
[00:09:53] Missy: Oh,
[00:09:53] Jodi: So yeah, it’s, it’s important. That you don’t do empty nest when you don’t do midlife alone, cuz we are not meant to be alone.
We thrive. And whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, whatever you call yourself, a group of friends can be two and a group of friends can be 20, whatever you want it to be. So I always tell people that, um, because it’s the one, time in our life that our kids are not out there introducing us to people by default that Yeah, you’re gonna have to figure out a way to put yourself out there, get a little uncomfortable, but you have to also release the belief.
There’s another belief before I tell you some tips. the other belief that a lot of women have is I have enough friends. don’t need any, I don’t need. So there’s those that feel like. Okay. I could use some new friends and then there are those that really never think that they have room in their life for new friends.
And what comes to mind is the kindergarten song, make new friends, but keep the old one and the other’s gold. So, you know, I say for those of you that it’s scary to go out there. How am I gonna meet new people? Maybe you had a bad experience. The mean girl experience. Let me tell you midlife. There are no mean girls and if there are, yes, you’re in the wrong group.
Because in midlife, that’s behind us. That’s why I, I really moms who dare my community itself. We say we are drama free. There are no cool kids. There are no uncool kids. There’s just moms navigating this new normal. So grab a friend, grab somebody in your life. Whether it’s a sister, a cousin, a friend, and ask them to do something new or different with you, ask them to go to a movie.
In the afternoon with you ask him to go to a meetup. There’s so much today that we didn’t have. Where you can meet new friends. Meetup is a huge one. meetup.com. If you haven’t heard of it, there are meetups for any interest in hobby. There could be a knitting meetup, a running meetup, a book club, meetup there’s meetups for single women, divorce women.
There’s meet up for anything that you have an interest in, in life, cooking class meetups, if you wanna learn how to cook. So that’s a really great way because meetup allows you to find like-minded people who are interested in your same interests.
[00:12:02] Susanne: also. If there isn’t one out there that fits one of your interests,
[00:12:06] Missy: you
[00:12:07] Susanne: start a meetup.
[00:12:08] Missy: Yes.
[00:12:09] Susanne: Which can be also, that’s kind of a more advanced step as far as getting out there, but it is, but it is kind of a low risk way. It’s you don’t have to go up just on and be like, Hey, will you come do this with me?
It’s just putting it out there in case someone is willing to be out there and receive it. So, yeah, I do love that idea of the meetup.
[00:12:26] Missy: Yeah. Do you have stories from your community, like of really successful. Daring things women have done to make friends. cause I think you’ve touched on it a little bit, like with meet up, but a lot of us are kind of cautious and you’ve already touched on the many reasons why we might be, maybe we’ve been burned.
Maybe we just forgot how to do it. so if you have any success stories along with tips of people who’ve really gone out there and made a new community or built a bigger community,
[00:12:53] Jodi: I do. I have, I, I have two in particular one that was the most powerful. Still today. One of the most powerful moments for me as the quote leader of mom SU dare the con the convener of it all. It was at the very beginning. We had a small group of about 10 founding members of the group. And on my bucket list, I would always wanted to go ziplining.
But my first time ziplining was not gonna happen in like Columbia or Jamaica, or there was just no way.
So we have, I live outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and there’s a small zoo. In a suburb outside of Philly called the Elwood park zoo. It’s a children’s zoo. And I used to take my kids in when they were little, they have ziplining and a ropes course.
So I’m like, well, I can do a children’s ziplining. Right. And
[00:13:38] Susanne: don’t know. You
might have to pull your knees up.
[00:13:41] Jodi: no, it was, it was actually pretty good. It wasn’t too high, but it was high enough. We didn’t have to do that. That was Suzanne, but the robes course got me a little bit stumped. Anyway, I think it was seven or eight of us went and. It was, it was like it, I, I can’t I’m I try to articulate this. So we get there, we’re all geared up and they gave us the whole spiel on how to be safe.
And we climb up. The first group goes zips across to the next line and is waiting there. One of the last girls to go is a woman named Kathy. And she always gives me permission to share the story. We didn’t know. She didn’t know she was scared of Heights
until she climbed up and had a total like freak out.
So there we are, and there’s two other women behind her. She wasn’t really the last one. And she was totally in fear. I mean, freaking out, like, think of as a kid, a moment that you were so petrified that you didn’t know if you were gonna come back from it. And it was a moment where I, and I was almost all the way finished.
And I’m watching and we say, you don’t have to do it. You don’t have to do it. It’s okay. You came here. This is okay. This is not, you know, you don’t have to be like that stronger. We’re all here together and don’t do it. And long story show, she let everybody go. And then she, I got to do this. I really wanna do this.
So two of the women in front of her said, we will be here every step. We’ll go first. We’ll wait for you. We will wait for you. She got up. She did it. She screamed the whole way on the first zip line. I wish I had a video camera that they caught her.
[00:15:06] Missy: too.
[00:15:07] Jodi: And they held each other and she, she breathed, they breathed with her.
Then they went the get, and I watched this whole event unfolded this woman who was so scared and it came out of nowhere. She had no idea. She would react that way. Watching these other grown women just be there for her
[00:15:23] Susanne: Mm.
[00:15:23] Missy: That’s bonding for life.
[00:15:25] Jodi: bought holy Bobby and these women. Kathy came with her friend, Jane. They knew nobody else.
They were all strangers. They left their, they are the core group of this, this community. They are so tight. They work with each other. They do business with each other. I know for a fact, they get together outside of the group. and it’s very fulfilling to see. And after every event, when it was all in person before now, we do virtual as well.
But after every in person. The highlight for me was sitting back. We would go for coffee or go for lunch or go for dinner after whatever it is. We did ox, throwing, escape, the room, whatever it was and watching them connect, talking about motherhood. Sharing advice, sharing sad stories. Oh, I’m not the only one whose daughter said that to her.
I’m not the only one whose son did this and they do. They have deep root of friendships now. And, and, and I love it. I know one of them was a, is a realtor. She sold somebody, her sold her house and found her, her new house. It, it it’s
[00:16:25] Susanne: Oh, I love that, Missy. That makes me think we need to do like a monthly, like mom dare like meetup in Austin. Wouldn’t that be so fun? And then I would probably be the one
that goes screaming down the zip line.
[00:16:39] Missy: in. Like we have a lot of interest and we’re on that precipice. It’s like, we’re going to have some time and
[00:16:46] Susanne: yes. And sometimes
just need someone
to tell you to do it.
[00:16:49] Jodi: Yeah, we did the escape, the room, for example, we have one location here. They’re all over the country now. Right. Escape room. They have two of the identical rooms. So you know, everything. Yeah. We’re very competitive at the age of 50 something. We, and we had two groups, five in each room and it was just like, okay.
Ladies, we are not losing. We are not losing , but that was one story. And the other brief story is, Tammy, who is our resident travel expert. She is a travel consultant. She began as a social member in the group and upgraded to what’s called a mentor member where she can, share her business and her expertise.
She started her own spinoff community for women who want to travel. And might not have friends to do it with. And I know for a fact, at least one of our core moms who double we call ourselves the double dares, the members.
[00:17:41] Susanne: I love it.
[00:17:42] Jodi: um, she is, and in her group is the wander bugs and she Kathy’s very active in the wander bug group.
And so are some of my other moms. So we don’t do something every month. Now we do something in person every quarter, cuz we shifted online. So now they, they form this subgroup that fills they’re zest for travel that they might not have a, a partner in life to travel with, but they have all these girlfriends to do it with now.
And they’re all making friends.
[00:18:09] Susanne: Oh, I need to hook my mom up for that. I know she wants to do some more traveling and
[00:18:12] Jodi: Oh, Tammy is wonderful, but, and it is scary to do things alone. It is, I was never somebody who loved to do anything alone. So if, if you can grab a offend grade and if not, I could just say it is a dare and, and maybe, you know, like for me, I can refer you. I can tell you if you’re a traveler I will connect you to Tammy.
And have somebody connect you with somebody, if you want to, or go online and look and reach out to the anybody who’s the organizer of a community, whether it’s, you know, a meetup or whatever community that organizer is gonna be open and nurturing and caring because open nurturing and caring individuals start communities.
[00:18:51] Susanne: Yep.
[00:18:51] Missy: True.
[00:18:52] Susanne: Definitely. Oh my God. Well, I think, you know, one of the things, one of the many things that people like to make excuses I can make up, probably 10 excuses right now. Why I, why I couldn’t go do a zip line
[00:19:03] Missy: I feel called out
[00:19:05] Susanne: but I do think that a lot of that is this negative self talk. Um, and we’ve talked about this before.
And so I know one of the things that you help women through is working through, you know, shutting up that inter mean girl , you know, or a nicer way to say that. Just calming that inner self talk. So how, what are some tips for, if someone is like, yeah, I wanna go throw some Xes, to start taking that next step.
[00:19:32] Jodi: Let me just tell you about axon.
[00:19:34] Susanne: I.
wanna do it so bad.
[00:19:36] Jodi: I have
[00:19:36] Missy: do too. That’ll be our first
[00:19:38] Jodi: I apply to Texas just to do it with you because the first time I did I’m like ax. It was the most empowering feeling. I don’t know what that says about me. The fact that I absolutely love and excited about throwing an ax access something, but oh,
[00:19:51] Susanne: I wanna do it so bad.
[00:19:53] Jodi: So, and here’s what I did once for the self talk.
So you, if you have a fear or a negative thing, you tell yourself, cuz I know, I don’t know any woman who hasn’t looked in the mirror and either thought or said, oh, I’m fat. Oh, look at my thighs. Like, okay, no, no. I, I even found this this morning before we got jumped on how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.
It’s the same thing. How you talk to yourselves is how the people in your life are gonna start talking to themselves or talk to you as well. Because we’re moms and our kids here, but with the ax throwing, here’s a tip. If you go get a three by five card, put the biggest negative thing you say or think about yourself on it.
I promise you’re gonna hit the bullseye every time. Put it on the bullseye,
[00:20:34] Susanne: love it.
[00:20:35] Jodi: everybody. But yeah. So self talk was my
[00:20:38] Missy: it today. Let’s go today.
[00:20:40] Susanne: that’s I’m very busy today, Missy.
[00:20:43] Jodi: I want pictures. I want you to,
[00:20:45] Susanne: oh, we will.
[00:20:47] Jodi: So self talk was the first thing I learned about when I engaged with my first coach, she like got me in the first 10 minutes of our coaching call. And she was like, you know, Jody, I just have to point out that the words and phrases you’re using are not really supporting you in any way.
I was blown away. Cuz I thought of myself as a pretty, I’m a positive optimistic person, but, and I don’t remember exactly what I was saying, but I could promise you, it was probably things like, well I think I could, or I’m not really that good at that, but I would. So, you know, we’re not aware of just how damaging what we think quietly and, and what we say out loud can do to our self-esteem and our confidence and how we show up in the world.
And I think the research showed, and this was in Jack Canfield’s book, the success principles, I think the research so that we have over 50,000 thoughts a day. And by the way, that’s why we’re tired, Suzanne.
[00:21:41] Missy: That’s exactly what I was just thinking. I’m like, oh,
[00:21:44] Jodi: My God I’m exhausted. And, but, and out of those thoughts, I think the same research shows that up to about 80% of it could be negative. And then I think another like 30 or 40% is repetitive. Like the same thought. Just imagine if, even if you never said my thoughts are fat, but you thought it
over, over and. I mean, how could you possibly like looking in the mirror, how could you possibly like putting a pair of shorts on? So, you know, my, I do have a resource, the self-talk cleanup. It was my most sought after talk. It still is. and, and it starts with a simple, yeah, powerful exercise of, I am words and phrases.
So affirmations, I’m sure you’ve talked about affirmations, but affirmations are just words or phrases that help get you in a. Positive frame of mind and thinking, and the first step to cleaning up yourself talk is to becoming aware of what you’re thinking and saying. So it’s a practice. So practicing, noticing, and paying attention to what you say, what you think before you say it.
And that’s a practice and keeping notes. Like when you wake up in the morning, here’s a good one. Everybody listening tomorrow morning when you wake. And you look in the mirror. I want you to pay attention to the first thought you have, when you look in the mirror first thought
[00:23:11] Missy: I’m kind of scared.
[00:23:12] Jodi: Yeah, right. And write it down when you pass a mirror, think about it.
And then what I, then what my coach charged me with doing, and I’m looking to up on my right, my original I’m even gonna grab it. My original. This is from over 11 years ago with my first coach. She said, I want you to take a moment. I want you to write down seven to 10 words that best describe your natural gifts and your passion.
All about you. And then she wanted me to put, I am in front of it. So for example, like I, I am passionate. I am a take charge person. I am tough. I’m smart. I’m loyal. So start with seven to 10 words. If you can’t come up with seven to 10 words, I have, I have a dare for you, but you’re gonna come up with seven to 10 words at best.
Describe you. And you’re gonna change it to I am. And you can Google this, but I am are. Very powerful words. And there’s a lot of research and science behind this. What you say after I am is what your subconscious will believe as the truth.
[00:24:12] Missy: You know, I love brain stuff. I call it brain
[00:24:14] Susanne: You do
[00:24:15] Missy: but I love that brain science. We have that power to make changes. We just have
[00:24:20] Susanne: you know, the first thing I just thought is how many times a day we just say I am so tired.
[00:24:25] Missy: Oh,
[00:24:28] Jodi: right.
[00:24:28] Missy: so hot.
[00:24:30] Susanne: okay. That’s legit. True.
[00:24:32] Missy: I know, but I gotta quit focusing on it. Like I can’t change the dang weather,
[00:24:36] Jodi: How about I am so busy?
[00:24:38] Missy: oh, I hate the busy words, my least favorite word. I hate
[00:24:42] Jodi: Somebody gave me a substitute for that. They says, instead of saying, oh my God, I’m so busy. I have such a full life.
[00:24:48] Missy: Mm.
[00:24:49] Jodi: I mean, just think about the, say, say the difference. Like I’m so tired or. I had such a, a, an amazing weekend and we were up late and it was so exciting and I, I, I’m just gonna rejuvenate myself for minute.
Instead of, I am so tired. I am so excited and I’ve used up all my energy. On what we did this, and I need to recharge, just shift it around, you know,
[00:25:14] Missy: yeah.
[00:25:14] Jodi: and it’s a practice. So you wanna take seven to 10 words and make ’em I am statements. And here’s your dare. Your first dare. Should you only be able to come up with three or four?
That’s fine. You’re gonna wanna repeat them every day, twice a day, morning and night. And I’m telling you, I didn’t make this. I really didn’t make this up. There’s Missy, there’s so much brain science behind all this. but I just share how it worked for me. And then you’re gonna call three or four people in your life.
Family, friends, coworker, whoever it might be. And you’re gonna tell them, cuz this is awkward asking you. It’s like, well, I’m fishing for compliments. You’re gonna tell them your new coach, Jody Silverman gave you a dare and you have homework and it’s could you please give me three to four, three words that you think best describing? not only will it give you the rest of your IM statements? It is the most powerful can be life changing exercise because how these people see you is how you’re showing up and how you’re showing up. You don’t give yourself enough credit for trust me. I had one person send something back, brought me to tears.
It had been a limiting belief of mine forever, and he just took it. Knocked it up of my head. So.
[00:26:27] Susanne: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went a little speechless when you said that
[00:26:30] Missy: Did you, I mean, I could feel my chest doing the tightening, like
[00:26:34] Susanne: well, it’s just very timely because Zoe has a college counselor that she’s been working with and they’re working on her, I guess, her essays and stuff and gave us the assignment. A long time ago to do these five words.
And I felt so much, I mean, I just finally finished it last night cuz we’re meeting with the coach today and I was like, well, what? Just in case she asks about it, I better have the assignment done. but. It’s it’s, it’s a lot of, I don’t think your friends are gonna feel as much pressure on that, but I do think it is so meaningful.
It can be meaningful to the person who receives it. it also made me realize that there’s a few words that I don’t really know the meaning of. I was using them because you, you have to get really specific with some of your words. Like what’s the difference between thoughtful and caring and like all these different words, because there’s such a different nuance.
And you would think as a writer that I would know the nuance for some of these, but I. But again, when it’s your daughter asking you for it, first of all, I’m like, oh my gosh, this shouldn’t be the first time that I’m telling her these things. So I felt very like bad momish because I was like, oh shit, I haven’t told her.
And I mean, these are things that I think of every time I look at her, but I just felt so much pressure to like, say it exactly and . Just trying to find the perfect word for just how like thoughtful and sweet and generous and everything that she is.
So it’s. Yeah, it’s, it was really meaningful for me to do it. So I do think it is as a receiver of that request. Um, it’s a, it’s a nice exercise to do. And I don’t think it’ll take as much time. Like if Missy asked me to do it, I could probably knock her out text today. but,
[00:28:14] Jodi: It’s harder as a mom cause
[00:28:15] Susanne: but as a mom, it’s a hard exercise.
[00:28:18] Missy: Yes. And once again, as moms, we feel so much weight and pressure and doubt, and yes, you put all that on yourself as you’re trying to find the right words.
[00:28:27] Susanne: But I do think as we’re talking about becoming empty nesters, if you are realizing you have someone going off to college, that you’ve never said the five, main things you think about them, maybe this is a fun exercise to do, even if they don’t ask you for it, uh, it might help their own self
[00:28:42] Missy: I might write it down and just quietly slip it to each kid. Cuz my boys squirm. When I say nice things about them
[00:28:50] Susanne: Yeah, we didn’t talk about it. I just was, I sent her like the Google doc as like a hug. You go
[00:28:55] Missy: That’s how I get one of mine to go to bed when he’s doing this at night and I’m ready. I just start saying lovely things about him. And he is like, my mom
[00:29:05] Jodi: Yeah.
[00:29:05] Susanne: that’s
[00:29:06] Jodi: It’s so different daughters and sons. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. But you know what? It, it is a lot of fun. I don’t know. I don’t know that they might hide ’em in a drawer, but it’s kind of cool. And I, my mom did this, had my friends do this for me. I think it was for my 40th birthday. That’s getting very long in the past, but she had all my friends, took a rock and wrote one word on a rock for me.
[00:29:28] Susanne: Oh,
[00:29:29] Missy: what a cute
[00:29:30] Jodi: have, it’s a great idea. And all those rocks said, and look, I wanted to look behind me because I had something else. My mom does all these cool things. My mom tells me all the time, so, and just so you know, we do put pressure on ourselves as mom, but if my mom told me I was thoughtful at any age, it wouldn’t matter what she.
It would mean everything to me, just however I translated that. So I’m sure whatever words you came up with for your daughter, Suzanne are gonna be very meaningful to her for her, but yeah. Rocks are good and yeah. I
[00:30:01] Susanne: What a cute idea.
[00:30:03] Missy: that’s the
[00:30:03] Jodi: yeah. So definitely write your own words and I think that’s another thing, right?
Like we don’t tell ourselves or how we like ourselves. I. I don’t know, midlife is an empowering time of our lives. It’s a time where we get to stand up, look in the mirror and say, damn, I’m good. Like one moment we are.
[00:30:23] Missy: still here and I have something to offer.
[00:30:25] Jodi: Yeah.
[00:30:26] Missy: I think that, so say we get this negative self talk out of the way. And I may just be speaking for myself, but then I feel this massive amount of pressure that I have to find my purpose for the next, however many years the kids are gone. I have this time, I, I know I have value.
What is my purpose? And we only have a few minutes I’m watching the clock. So we may not be able to get all into it, but you maybe have some tips to point us in the right direction to start.
[00:30:56] Jodi: And I, I think it goes back to when I told you, like, I asked that question in that quiet space and, and when I got my hell, no, I really didn’t know what it was about. You don’t have to know.
You don’t have to know what your purpose is. You just have to move. Which is daring is daring. So you can one way to do it.
That’s a whole nother talk is go through, you know, tap back into what matters most to you. Like your core value here. People talk about your core values, what matters to you most, and you can Google core list of core values, and you can go through that list. Check off all the ones that matter to you, then narrow ’em down to five and then put ’em in the order.
And something will happen during that process to create clarity around something that you like. another great resource is, um, have you ever heard about the love language is five love languages?
[00:31:45] Missy: Mm.
[00:31:46] Jodi: Take the love language quiz. Find out what your love language is like. You could your love language. If it’s an acts of service volunteerism, there you. So those are a couple things, but if you really are stuck and the reason daring became, and I learned daring, the word came to me when I heard a speaker speak about her year of doing something new every day for a year. so it’s about stepping out. And trying new things and it doesn’t have to be huge, big things start small.
We, we are very routine when we have our kids at home and we make sure we’re home at a certain time in dinner and basketball practice and volleyball practice and, and we’re running and doing, when the kids leave, you have all this space. Shake up your routine. so one, one thing that helped me was I switched up my routine, even when my daughter left and my son was still at home, we changed our dinner routine to fit our relationship better.
So maybe don’t worry about being home at three o’clock in the afternoon anymore. While everyone’s racing home after dinner, go run your errands, go for a walk. Read a book. So do do something different than your normal routine because you can
[00:33:01] Susanne: mm-hmm.
[00:33:02] Jodi: shake it up a little bit and try small things. Getting out of our head space when we’re stuck in.
Oh, what’s my purpose. I wanna feel fulfilled. What’s my purpose. I don’t know what to do. That’s your’re all in your head. You wanna drop from up here and you wanna drop back down in your heart. So, you know what? Spend a day giving out random compliments to stranger. Spend a day. This is all. And these are things that Lou an Conn and her book.
I dare me. That’s that’s the, that’s the,
[00:33:27] Susanne: Oh, what a great book.
[00:33:28] Missy: I know, I love
[00:33:29] Jodi: Oh, she’s wonderful. Lou, an Conn’s an eight time Emmy award winning journalist from Philadelphia. And she’s now my friend, spend a day letting people in front of you everywhere you go in the car, wave them up in line at the checkup. Talk to random strangers for no reason.
Just say hi smile, make smile. Uh, what, what are some other things that I’ve done? Oh, how many times do you drive by a playground? Pull your car over. Get out, sit on a swing. You can try the sliding board. It was a little snug for me much
[00:34:00] Missy: The last time I sat in a swing, I was like, wow. Ooh, these fit better. A few years ago.
[00:34:05] Jodi: Those just play in a playground. You know, I mean, sitting there watching the kids could be a little creepy, but go play. Don’t go. But like, you know, maybe you haven’t been on a bicycle. These are all the take a cooking class research class that you’ve always wanted to think. Think back to before you were a mom before you were even somebody’s partner in life, what were things you liked to do? So, I mean, and, and that’s, you know, that’s, it leads you to your purpose cuz when you, when you do things that make you just not think, just do just be opportunity and people do present themselves. In ways it would never, never would. I thought I’d be a life coach. Never would. I thought I’d be interviewed on podcasts ever.
I didn’t have a dream of being a speaker. Never would I’ve thought. And all this came just by stepping outta my comfort zone, trying new things and yes. Saying yes, even when I was scared.
[00:34:58] Susanne: Mm.
[00:34:59] Missy: Sitting in our rooms going think, think, think what’s my purpose is not really ever going to be
[00:35:03] Jodi: No.
[00:35:04] Susanne: yeah, you. Especially, cuz I think one of the best things you can learn is something that wasn’t for you as well. If you try something and be like, oh, that didn’t, I didn’t like that. Yeah. It might just have been a one off experience or it might just, you know, listen to your gut and say, yeah.
Okay, well let’s try something else. And
[00:35:21] Missy: Mm-hmm
[00:35:22] Jodi: absolutely say yes to go to a conference, a women’s conference, even if you’re not in business. That’s where I heard Louanne con speaking in that moment, it was like, boom, I’m a mom who dares. I was like, oh my God. I went home and equated a Facebook group called mom, SU dare. And I wrote her a letter.
[00:35:37] Susanne: Love it. Oh yeah. Sometimes just don’t even stop to take. Yeah, you didn’t take the time to think about it and talk yourself out of it. Just, just move, just
[00:35:47] Missy: That’s my special gift. Just talking
[00:35:48] Jodi: Just keep moving. Yeah.
[00:35:50] Susanne: Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well we gotta keep moving here too, so we can do the look list and learns, but wanna make sure that we let our listeners know the best place to find you and any of your upcoming events and seminars.
[00:36:02] Jodi: Yeah. So, I mean the best place for anybody is our Facebook group. Mom SU dare. and I have, and on my website, Jody silverman.com because I have a lot of free resources there, the self-talk cleanup resources there. So, you know, you can grab that. There’s also an event calendar for any events that we’ve coming up.
[00:36:19] Susanne: Oh, and there’s also the getting ready to send the kids off to college thing that I’m, I’m saving. I’m saving that then I’ll
[00:36:26] Jodi: here’s a whole conversation on how to stay connected with your adult children. That’s a big one for a lot of us in midlife,
right? But, um, yeah. So start with your self talk, start with you. You’ve done so much for everybody else up until now. I know we all have, so start with you, give yourself the gift of positive self talk, go out and play a little bit, try new things, you know, find community and, um, yeah.
So find me on Facebook at mom SU dare. I would love to connect
[00:36:51] Missy: I’m going to join today. I can’t believe I haven’t already done it
doing it as soon as we,
[00:36:56] Jodi: lots of
events all the
[00:36:57] Susanne: move. Missy
[00:36:58] Missy: right. You know what I’m doing? I’m like got my little list and I have to do this before this.
[00:37:03] Susanne: Okay. Well then I think we are ready for our look. Listen, learn. So anybody who is joining us on the podcast for the first time, welcome, we are so glad you’re here. And look, listen, learn just a few minutes at the end of each show. While we talk about things that we are watching, reading, or listening to, or learning about, that maybe you wanna incorporate into your to-do list to try new things in the weeks, months ahead.
So we never like to put our guest in the hot seat first. So Missy, I gonna put you in the hot seat.
[00:37:31] Missy: All right. all the seats are hot. Have I complained about the heat
enough in this episode?
[00:37:36] Susanne: don’t say I am hot. You can say Texas is hot.
[00:37:39] Jodi: the.
[00:37:40] Missy: is hot. Texas is hot. So my look, my read, I don’t know with my look, my listen, my learn. My look is in her boots by KJ, Dell, Antonio. so good. I have not finished it yet, but it is great. Great. So highly recommend this for your summer or any time reading.
Um, I’m enjoying it. In fact, I am having trouble doing other things I need to do because I just want to read.
[00:38:04] Susanne: I’m so sad. I missed her when she was here. I was in, I was in Belize and so hi,
[00:38:11] Missy: I was at swim meets. Are we shocked?
[00:38:13] Susanne: Oh, I know. Oh my gosh. But yeah, so excited to read that book. I’m I’ve got two more lined up and then I’m that one is next. I’m so
[00:38:21] Missy: Yeah. I actually knocked a couple things out and it’s like, I’m just, I’m going for it.
Um, because it’s great. I’m really good. And then I’ve been watching, uh, this weekend. I had a, quite a bit of downtime, just. I did not have COVID although I was sure that’s what I had tested a few times. I just had a cold, I guess.
So some of my things I had planned to do, I ended up not doing, because people are afraid that even if you say you don’t have COVID that you do, which I understand, I fully understand. So I just stayed home.
did not wanna be patient zero. No, absolutely not. I mean, we had, we had some guests coming that we said let’s do it another weekend.
we don’t need to risk it, even if all the tests I PCR and everything. Um, so who knows, but tons of congestion, I still kind of have some, if I sound funky, but, the podcast with Knox and Jamie is a podcast I like to listen to, and they’ve been doing deep dives on, pilots, TV, pilots, and they did a deep dive on the ER pilot.
And I thought, gosh, I have not revisited. ER, since I was in college, that used to be our Thursday nights. We’d watch the Thursday night lineup. Finish with ER, and then we would leave and go out because we were young and stupid. So I hadn’t seen it. I really don’t think I’d seen an episode since it, I probably watched off and on until it went off the air, but, um, hadn’t seen it in forever.
So I went back this weekend and watched the pilot of ER and several other episodes and it kind of holds up.
[00:39:47] Susanne: I bet it
[00:39:48] Missy: fun to watch.
[00:39:49] Jodi: George goody in.
[00:39:51] Missy: Yes, baby George Clooney. Ugh. This is so dreamy. they’re all so cute and young. And I was like transported to this college, my younger self, you know, let like helped me reflect a lot because I hadn’t been in that thought space in a long time, thought about people that I missed from that time.
So tons of fun. I go watch it and, um, just check it out again.
[00:40:16] Susanne: That can be like a time machine. You can be like, I remember, I remember that place we went to after this episode.
[00:40:22] Missy: Yes. I was like transported to my apartment, you know, like just there sitting on my futon with my roommate and our crazy cat named Phoebe and watching George. Um,
[00:40:34] Susanne: my gosh. How fun?
[00:40:35] Missy: so yeah, so I highly recommend it.
It’s really fun. Sometimes you watch things you watched back in the day and you’re like, Ooh, Ooh, no, no, no.
[00:40:42] Susanne: Yes.
[00:40:43] Missy: again. But this one sort of holds up. Sadly, a lot of the issues they’re confronting and dealing with, we’re still dealing with. So that’s kind of sad,
[00:40:51] Susanne: Same thing was
[00:40:52] Missy: learning anything. Yeah. Same with Friday night lights. It’s the same issues
[00:40:56] Susanne: Yeah. I’m like, wait a minute. We’re still talking about
this. Oh my gosh. Mm-hmm
[00:41:01] Missy: Yeah. I watched some designing women not long ago because something popped up on social media reminding me and I loved designing.
I mean gun control, racism, all the things that Julia sugar baker is on talking about and fighting for.
I’m like, damn it. We’re still there.
[00:41:18] Jodi: Thought we’ve made so much progress and then you go do that and you’re like, we’re here.
[00:41:21] Susanne: yeah, the, the
[00:41:22] Missy: You think we’re
[00:41:23] Susanne: The arc is long.
[00:41:25] Missy: arc is really long.
[00:41:27] Susanne: long. Yeah.
[00:41:28] Missy: Yeah. So that’s me. Cuz as I’ve mentioned a few times, it’s too hot for learning. I’m not hugging. I’m not learning. I’m having a signed failed week.
[00:41:36] Susanne: I love it. Okay, Jody, hopefully the temperature is allowing you to learn or look or listen
[00:41:41] Jodi: Yes. It’s not as hot in Philly as it is in Texas. I, I have a lot of friends in Dallas, Fort worth area, so I know they’re hot. so I’m watching, I am a summer, a G T addict. got talent.
[00:41:55] Susanne: yes, yes. Yes.
[00:41:57] Jodi: Not like all about dreams coming true and watching people. And so, like, I can’t wait for summertime when all the other shows are on hold until September 9th.
a G T so I sit there and I watch it all the time.
[00:42:09] Missy: cry. We always cry.
[00:42:11] Jodi: fast. Right. And then, um, I’m not listening to anything I’m reading. I do more reading in the summer, right. So I just finished reading and we actually have, uh, our member book club discussion. Cause we have a book club a year by the sea by Joan Anderson and it, and it is about a midlife woman who, it, it, I’m not gonna spoil her alert, but her husband gets a job somewhere else.
She doesn’t wanna go. So she goes to their Cape Cod a. They’re separate for a year. There’s a couple visits, but it’s, it’s a really great read. It’s E it’s well written, but it’s fast. I think every woman, no matter where you are in relationship, good, bad, and different could relate to something about Joan’s story.
So I love this. And then I just started reading. Cause that I finished, I just started reading hidden blessings. Midlife crisis is a spiritual awakening.
[00:43:05] Susanne: There
[00:43:05] Jodi: I know, I, it might not sound like easy summary, but actually it’s really, I I’m really enjoying it. I got very spiritual. During my midlife I’m, I’m enhancing my practices, but this is really like, ah, I get this talks about all the stage of midlife could find your purpose from this book.
And, um, as far as learning, I big, big dairy news for me. Not only was I did I become a certified life coach in 2015, I just got my happy for no reason. Cert I’m a happy for no reason. Certified trainer.
[00:43:35] Susanne: Oh, my gosh. I’ve never
[00:43:36] Missy: never even heard of
it. Yeah. What is happy for new
[00:43:39] Jodi: another book happy for no reason which the title alone just grabbed me because I
[00:43:43] Missy: Yeah.
[00:43:44] Jodi: I, I that’s another conversation for another story. I would love to come back and talk about that it’s about being happy regardless of circumstances. And God knows there’s a lot of circumstances out there today.
There’s a lot of uncertainty out in the world, but happy for no reason, a lot of research based stuff. Missy, you would like about how we all have this happiness set point. And I loved it so much that I wanted to add it to my coaching programs. So I became a certified trainer and I literally on Friday got my certification.
I passed another test.
[00:44:15] Missy: Congratulations.
[00:44:17] Jodi: Yeah. So that was my learning. I’m finished learning. I’m taking the rest of the summer off I’m I’m resting my brain.
[00:44:24] Susanne: I don’t know. It sounds like all those books you reading are anything that you’re looking at. Sounds like it’s a learn.
[00:44:30] Jodi: by this C was enjoyable. It was enjoyable. Thi this
[00:44:33] Missy: gonna pick that up. Cape Cod is one of my favorite settings for a book.
[00:44:36] Jodi: I’ve never been it’s on my list. So I have to go.
[00:44:39] Missy: Yes.
Yes. I’ve only been once and I would like to live there.
[00:44:42] Susanne: I know I just need a spare house apparently, so I can write a book about how I go stay there.
[00:44:46] Missy: Yes.
[00:44:47] Jodi: that’s my problem too. Suzanne, the house.
[00:44:50] Missy: I am lacking in extra homes.
[00:44:51] Susanne: oh, dang. Yeah, we got rid of our Seattle house. So plus I would’ve had to stay with our renters. Oh, my goodness. Let’s see. Okay. So what am I looking? Listen and learning. Um, oh my gosh, just because I’m always, you know, really on the cutting edge of the pop culture, I’m listening to where the CRADA sing. I mean, how long’s that book been out, but finally.
[00:45:17] Missy: long. I mean, not ER long, you’re just a
[00:45:19] Susanne: That’s true. It’s it is less long than me just finally finishing Friday nightlights.
so yeah, reading. Well, I’m listening to that. Um, and I know Missy, you were not the biggest fan, but I am
[00:45:33] Missy: was, and I don’t know why. I wonder if I should have listened to it. I don’t know why I’ve read it. And I felt broken because everyone loved it and was raving about it. And I was like, Hmm.
[00:45:44] Susanne: You know what I’m kind of wishing I had. Well, we’ll see, I am listening to it. And I listen to enough books that I have. Like, I’m almost like fangirling over some of the. The talent that does the reading, and this one, and she’s a, a really amazing narrator, but her accent for the characters is a little.
And maybe, I mean, she is a swamp girl, so maybe it is supposed to be that hardcore, but to the point where it’s so stereotypical, like sounding ignorant versus just someone having the natural accent of this space. And so I, it sounds a little too cliche, or I just listened to something this weekend about how, The trick of doing an accent is to just not do it all the time.
Like it someone’s draw comes and goes. It doesn’t, you know, it’s not hitting every consonant in every vow. And so I, part of me is like, I just expect this girl to just be bumping into things she’s so dumb. like, and she’s not.
[00:46:46] Missy: And she’s not. She’s super smart.
[00:46:48] Susanne: And the movie’s coming out and I’m trying to finish that before. See the movie, which, oh, speaking of finishing things before I read the movie, I talked about holes a couple weeks ago
[00:46:59] Missy: Oh
[00:46:59] Susanne: and. We finished it. And we’re halfway through the movie, uh, finished the book, cuz my son told me we could not watch the movie until I finished the book. Um, and I do, I highly recommend it. We had talked about this before, when I was trying to, I was like Googling what do 12 to 13 year old boys read, trying to find anything to get him back into reading and holes was at the top of all these lists and it’s not a new book or anything.
And you know what the problem was. I had always got it mixed up with tremors. So until literally until the last page of the book, I was like, where are the big worm things? like, I dunno why in my head I’d gotten it mixed up with the Kevin bacon, like eighties movie tremors.
[00:47:42] Missy: That’s funny.
[00:47:43] Susanne: I don’t know. And my husband had too, so we were watching the movies like, oh, is this the one with Kevin bacon in it?
I was like, that’s what I thought too. But no, uh, so holes, no, no worms, no Kevin bacon but there’s also holes. Yeah. There’s also holes that things are in. Um, but yeah, really, really good Disney. There’s a, they turn it into a Disney movie. And so it’s a little, I don’t know. It’s a little bad news bears sometimes.
but it’s still, uh, it’s fun. We’re finishing the second half of it tonight. Um, So I’ve been looking at that. I’ve been looking at the movie holes and then also looking at lots of virtual college tours, kind of in a panic about everybody keeps on saying, oh, you need to do early decision. You need to do early decision.
Cuz things are so tough getting into these schools and like, well then you need to go to every school visit, By October 1st, like this isn’t physically possible. And so doing as much as we can from virtual tours, but I’m like, can we get to Chicago and to Boston and to Syracuse, like, In the next three weeks.
I don’t think we can. so yeah. And I’m also learning that I’m done with virtual college tours. so I’m kind of done too. So, uh, but working on that, so that’s first step towards empty nesting. I know is getting this college thing figured out if that’s the way your kid decides to go and think my son’s gonna be so lucky, we’ve gotta have all this stuff worked out by time.
[00:49:12] Missy: we keep trying to tell my younger, when that I’m like, this is a bonus. And he was like, do I have to go.
[00:49:17] Susanne: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It’s kind of like having the second, how you treat the second kid. I mean, I think that’s how the college approaches could be, is like, okay, now I know what a college tour is now. I know what all these things are. Now. I know what early decisions are. Like it’s been such, this learning curve has just been like straight up.
so yeah, we could do a what’s the what’s the group that I like so much grown and.
[00:49:39] Missy: grown and flow.
[00:49:40] Susanne: Yeah. So, um, since I am far from an expert on this, I have been getting a lot of information from grown influence. I highly recommend people go check out their group for dealing with your ecology stuff too.
[00:49:53] Missy: Yes.
[00:49:53] Susanne: all right. Well, yeah, so that’s all, I’ll let them look less and learn in this week.
[00:49:58] Missy: Oh, thank you so much for being here. This was super fun.
[00:50:01] Jodi: Oh, I loved it. Thank you for having me. And yeah, you’ll get through the whole college. It is and grown up alone is an amazing resource
[00:50:08] Susanne: yes, they have these, they have these little college spinoff groups, so I’m, I’m in the grown and flown for visual arts students. So it’s very, very niche for some of those college
[00:50:18] Missy: Yeah.
[00:50:18] Jodi: I’ll send you my tips for move in day.
[00:50:21] Susanne: Oh,
[00:50:21] Missy: oh
[00:50:22] Jodi: And I have nine tips for making move-in day smooth and less stressful for all.
[00:50:26] Susanne: Okay, well, we’ve got one year, but I probably should start reading it now.
[00:50:29] Missy: I know I have two years, but I think about it all the time.
[00:50:32] Jodi: my God. No, thank you for having me.
[00:50:35] Susanne: oh, thank you. I feel so motivated. I’ve got a bunch of stuff that I’m gonna do like today. Just, just start moving.
[00:50:42] Jodi: thank you. Thank you both.
[00:50:43] Missy: Thank you. Bye.